Communication in Marriage: 7 Signs You Need Counseling

December 23, 2016

 
Communication in Marriage: 7 Signs You Need Counseling

Has your communication in marriage been suffering? So many have found it beneficial to seek the aid of a counselor to help mediate. Can we help you?

 

We're built for communication. Just think about it: humans are social and we love to catch up with friends and family to laugh and talk about life.

When you get married, it's true that you've found the one person who you can communicate and connect with best.

But, sometimes, communication in marriage can suffer. You two may need to seek counseling to regain perspective. 

Sam Nabil Counseling Services focuses on working with adults that want to improve their relationships, anxieties, and big moments in life. 

So we've put together this guide of 7 signs you need counseling for communication in marriage to make things work.

Keep reading to find out if you and your beau fall into these categories!

7 signs you may need counseling for improved communication in marriage

What do you do after you've taken your vows and promised to stick by each other "through sickness and health" but things seem a little more bad than good lately?

These vows should be respected and given a chance. That's why you should look out for these 7 signs that you and your partner should commit to counseling to help improve your communication. 

 

You feel like you aren't being heard

One thing that counselors hear time and time again is that one person feels like they aren't being heard and that their needs aren't being met.

Early in a relationship, many people find communication and having their needs be heard to come easily.

After all, who doesn't want to please their new partner and make things work?

But over time, small arguments and problems can develop into one partner "stonewalling" another by not answering or not really listening to what the other is saying. 

 

 

 

There's constant fighting or bickering

Some people think that couples who constantly fight or bicker are simply doing things in their own way.

However, communication in marriage should not include arguments to "solve" problems.

As adults, we should be able to discuss a problem and come up with a solution together with our partner. This doesn't mean playing the blame game or gaslighting a partner to get your way.

And it also doesn't mean that bickering over every little thing is just a part of someone's personality. In cases like this, it's likely that one partner is still holding on to a larger problem that happened in the past and is lashing out through small arguments. 

 

It feels like your conversations are on repeat 

Some couples feel like they're stuck in a loop and that their conversations feel like they're repeating themselves over and over and over again.

Does this sound familiar? 

If so, you may be dealing with a communication problem that's keeping you and your partner from truly making steps in the right direction. 

It turns out that the same issues coming up repeatedly point to a break in the line of communication of what one partner really needs and what the other is willing to do.

This can be as simple as conversations about cleanliness or as complex as making sure the other person feels valued. If you are discussing the same issues, it may be time to seek counseling. 

 

When you begin to think about divorce or separation

A major red flag that counseling should be your next step is if you are thinking that divorce or separation is the best thing you can do.

Of course, this is true sometimes. But other times opening those lines of communication back up is the way to prevent a failed marriage.

Once you get into the habit of separating when times are tough, it's easy to equate those times you spend away as times you finally get the peace you deserve.

And this can absolutely be true, but it doesn't mean that being home always has to be stressful. Instead, counseling can help you two reconnect and want to spend time together. 

 

If you feel like you're "staying together for the kids"

Many married couples who have children end up falling victim to the stress and routine that family life can inflict on what is usually a strong couple.

If you feel like you and your partner are staying together for the kids, please seek counseling to begin a healthy communication pattern.

Children can and do pick up on everything and they need their parents to set healthy examples for relationships. This means that together or separated, parents should be able to communicate openly.

Staying together for the kids is an easy way for couples to distance themselves from each other and avoid the problem at hand until the kids turn 18 and the parents feel "free."

Avoid those years of tension with counseling that can really turn those feelings around. 

 

When you two are no longer being intimate

Communication isn't all about verbal discussions about this or that. It can also be the way you two interact in the bedroom when you are being intimate. 

If a couple no longer spends time together to be intimate, it may be time for counseling services to get to the root of the issue.

Sometimes, one partner feels like they are not getting enough help at home and are too tired at night. Or they are feeling resentment from one behavior and it manifests as not wanting to be intimate.

Regardless of the situation, counseling often offers an outlet that's insightful to help communication. 

 

If you feel like there are "punishments" in your relationship

We've all heard about people getting the silent treatment or giving the cold shoulder to someone who is currently in the doghouse.

But did you know that these kinds of "punishments" have no place in marriages?